Manosphere experts warn if we lecture boys 'we lose them'

If you're worried about the pull of the manosphere, but don't know how to help someone in your life who has been drawn in, you're not alone.

We asked a panel of experts to answer your common questions about the manosphere, masculinity and how to approach conversations about it.

Read what developmental paediatrician Dr Billy Garvey, psychologist Dr Zac Seidler from Movember and Genevieve Sheppard from Our Watch had to say below.

If you or someone you know needs help, you can click here to find a full list of resources at the end of this article.

- What is the manosphere?

- What are the signs someone is in the manosphere?

- How can we challenge misogynistic views?

- How can I approach this with my younger kids?

- Is the manosphere a 'passing wave' or something bigger?

- What are young men searching for in these spaces?

What is the manosphere?

There's no single definition of the manosphere, but generally, it's the term used to describe online communities that promote narrow definitions of masculinity that oppose feminism and the gains of the gender-equality movement.

As UN Women describes, "these communities promote the idea that emotional control, material wealth, physical appearance and dominance, especially over women, are markers of male worth".

The ideas in the manosphere are nothing new. Misogyny has been prevalent for a very long time. What’s different today is the reach and business model. Online platforms connect these groups, algorithms amplify their messages, and influencers can profit from attention and outrage.

A recurring tactic of those who promote messages on the manosphere is to take real difficulties — loneliness, financial insecurity or uncertainty about relationships — and blame women and feminism.

That offers a simple, yet inaccurate explanation, which also reinforces male entitlement and resentment. This is a harmful message for all young people to believe and absorb.

To counter this, we need to address the challenges boys and men face while challenging the idea that women owe them sex, attention or obedience. That means well-resourced respectful relationships education in every school across Australia, supportive communities and opportunities to build belonging and connection without dominance.

What are the signs someone is in the manosphere and how can I help?

Watching out for this stuff early and discussing it in an open and curious way is the best solution to staying connected with someone skirting around the edges of this content, as it pulls you in very quickly if you are in a certain headspace.

Some things to look out for:

New language: Terms like "alpha", "high value", "red pill", "simp" or "the matrix", or talking about women in transactional or contemptuous ways.

One-source thinking: Constantly quoting the same few influencers, and treating them as the only people telling "the truth".

Rising grievance: A growing sense that the world is rigged against men, or that women, feminism or "the system" are to blame for how they feel.

Pulling back: Withdrawing from friends or family who disagree, or becoming dismissive and defensive when challenged (this can also be a sign of broader mental health challenges or a change in character).

Rigid self-improvement: Gym, money and discipline aren't bad things. It's a flag when they come with shame, contempt for "weak" men, or the idea that your worth depends on dominance.

Some recommendations for what to do:

Stay close! Your relationship is the best antidote, but it's key to avoid shocking or shaming them.

Get curious, not combative. What does he like about this guy? What does that video tell him about what it means to be successful and what it is giving him? Usually there's a real need underneath: loneliness, rejection, feeling lost or unseen.

Don't try to win in one conversation. You won't argue your way to victory. Be consistent and caring.

Offer an alternative. Take him out, show him the world, and help him interact with other people.

How can we challenge misogynistic views without alienating boys?

This can be tough, and I fail at it too. Start with curiosity because correction often leads to conflict. "What makes you feel like that, mate?" If we lecture them, we lose them.

Separate the belief from who they are. "You've got such a big heart mate, you're better than saying those things about girls and women". We hold the line while also keeping our belief in them as good people.

Look for the underlying need. Many boys are lost and unhealthy messages hook them with the promise of confidence, power and success. Once we understand that, we can offer better pathways for them to meet these needs, and help them see those voices are chasing their own money, status and control.

We can also share our own story, the traps we've fallen into, the hurt we've experienced and caused, and most importantly how we repaired and found a better way ourselves.

How can I approach this with my younger kids?

These conversations can be scary but they are already happening for our kids without us there to guide them. Our best chance is to start with low pressure, when our kids feel safe, like during a walk around the block with just us or while playing together with no-one else around.

We know body language, tone of voice and lack of judgement are just as important as what we actually say, if not more. Getting down to their eye level, sitting side by side facing the same direction, and keeping the conversation slow and casual helps. We also want to explore their experiences. "What do you think boys are like? What about girls?" is a gentle way to understand their beliefs without pressure or shame.

We can also go first as a way for them to be safe too. "When I'm scared, sometimes I get angry. It doesn't help much so I try to work on asking others for help instead." It's also important this never feels like a single conversation we need to deliver perfectly. The most important part is that over time our children feel more safe to come to us for support in understanding their world.

Is the manosphere a 'passing wave' or something bigger?

Honestly, I don't think it's either/or yet. It's going to take time to understand how the moment we are in potentially differs from the gender reckonings that have come before, but it would be remiss of me not to say that this is in no way a 'passing wave', given the volume and ferocity of online misogyny fuelled by tech platforms. The underpinning themes have not changed, their reach has.

What I see clinically is that the content itself is a symptom. Our research at Movember has told us that young men aren't drawn in by misogyny. They're drawn in by someone finally speaking to their loneliness, their sense of purpose and their worries about the future. The misogyny comes bundled with that, and therefore can probably be purposefully decoupled.

What are young men searching for in these spaces?

Many young men are lonely, often more than they'd admit, and these spaces offer an instant sense of brotherhood. You're part of something, you share a language and someone's on your side.

Then there's direction. Plenty of boys feel lost about who they're meant to be and where their life is heading. The manosphere gives them a clear script: Here's what a man is, here are the rules, here's the plan. When everything feels uncertain, that clarity is very attractive.

Respect and status matter too. Young men want to feel they count and that people see them as capable. When that isn't happening at school, at work or in relationships, someone promising to make them "high value" is hard to ignore.

Underneath many of these is a need to make sense of pain. Rejection, failure, anxiety and feeling invisible all hurt, and most boys haven't been given the words or the space to talk about that. These spaces give them an explanation and often someone to blame. That can feel better than sitting with the hurt.

None of these needs are the problem. They're completely normal, healthy human needs. The problem is that the manosphere offers a distorted way of meeting them. If we want boys to walk away, we have to offer them real belonging, purpose and respect in their everyday lives.

Resources

For immediate help:

- Lifeline on 13 11 14

- Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36

- Headspace on 1800 650 890

- 1800RESPECT, national domestic family and sexual violence counselling service on 1800 737 732

- MensLine on 1300 78 99 78

For parents and guardians:

- The eSafety Commissioner has an online safety kit, including info on technology and algorithms, key manosphere ideologies, and how parents can discuss these issues with children or teens.

- UN Women Australia has also put together a guide on how to speak to your teenager about the manosphere.

- Respect.gov.au features a collection of resources, including culturally specific and translated articles, posters and guides.

- Body image and eating disorders charity Butterfly has an info page on how to discuss looksmaxxing and appearance pressures with young men and boys.

For boys and men:

- Movember has produced a range of guides and articles aimed at supporting men's mental health.

- The Man Cave has created videos and podcast episodes on consent, bullying, healthy masculinity and more.

- Anti-racism charity All Together Now has a suite of resources about healthy masculinity in their Unplug Hate campaign, in partnership with Headspace and Multicultural NSW.

- Know Your Man hosts a number of fact kits and guides to help men support and connect with one another.

- RESPECT Victoria has a campaign called What Kind of Man Do You Want To Be? It features a series of videos across six languages, asking ordinary Victorians what masculinity means to them.

For girls and women:

- The eSafety Commissioner has an online hub for women and girls, including violence support services, advice around protecting yourself online, and culturally specific support for First Nations women.

- The Global Institute for Women's Leadership produces a podcast, hosted by Julia Gillard.

- UN Women has a range of articles and resources explaining how the manosphere affects women and outlining potential solutions.

For educators:

- Australia's National Research Organisation for Women's Safety (ANROWS) has put together an introductory guide for teachers and school staff who work with young people in secondary schools. It's available for free here.

- Monash University has a guide for educators, including advice for how to handle misogyny in the classroom.

- OurWatch has developed a detailed publication for practitioners working with men in the prevention of men's violence against women.

- VicHealth has a messaging guide with advice about how to frame conversations about men and masculinity.

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