I call my friend Isabel "friendship cupid".
To be clear, Isabel is not a cherub, and she doesn't carry a bow and arrow.
But she is a matchmaker of a different kind: the reason I have made several new and cherished friends.
It's been hard for me to make friends as an adult. My ever-present anxiety tells me it would be far safer to stay silent and isolated than to reach out and risk rejection.
I'm a wheelchair user and one of the few people still taking precautions against COVID, due to the impact these symptoms could have on my health. This means there are limited public spaces I can access safely and limited opportunities to meet new people in person.
That's why Isabel is so important to me.
She not only sees the opportunity for connection, but takes action to foster that connection.
When I don't believe in myself enough to reach out, she can be a friendship cupid for me.
Here's how it happened
Not long after Isabel and I became housemates, she encouraged me to message her sister, Matilda, because we have a lot in common.
I took a few months to reach out, because even with Isabel's prompting, I was anxious, perhaps even more than I would have been without it.
What if Matilda and I didn't get along? What would I tell Isabel? Would I have failed some implicit test if Matilda didn't like me?
I didn't need to worry. Matilda and I clicked instantly, our conversation flowing naturally.
With Matilda, three hours often feels like five minutes, and there's still so much more we could say to one another.
We live several hours apart and don't see each other in person often, but I'm always enlivened when we do.
Isabel's matchmaking was spot on, and she is far from the only friendship cupid I've been lucky enough to encounter.
One of my former co-workers told me repeatedly how similar I was to her friend Nic, how our lives had so many parallels. When she started a group chat with the three of us, and invited Nic and I to a group video call, I saw immediately that she was right.
Nic and I have been friends for almost five years now and in that time she's supported stuck by me through good times and bad. She's celebrated my achievements and stuck by me as I've made many mistakes.
When I've struggled with my mental health, I've hurt her and pushed her away. But she's been gracious enough to listen to me apologise and take accountability. She has forgiven me.
I'm attending her wedding at the end of this year, all thanks to that one video chat.
Nic and I are also a great example of the success of friendship cupids creating friendship groups.
As well as introducing me to her sister, Isabel also introduced me to her best friend, Nicola. Matilda, Nicola and I have a group chat, and I have a photo of the three of us stuck to my fridge. Fittingly, I met Isabel through another friend, our bond another match well made.
I hope that one day, I can continue the friendship chain, can pay it forward and be a friendship cupid for someone else.
The lasting impact
While this whole process sounds a little like networking, I prefer to think of it as something much more than that.
My friendship cupid cared enough to build connections between others, without expecting anything in return. Without expecting these connections to last the distance.
Even though rejection from a potential friend might hurt, it doesn't mean I stop trying (I might just hibernate for a few days to pull myself back together).
The beauty I've discovered is in my willingness to be open to connection, and to facilitate that connection for other people.
Not everyone has that willingness, but I've found that some people — my people — do, and our lives are better for it.
